Hidden Bruises, Secret Wounds
by Flairvoyant
Summary: Three days after their moment in the vineyard, Hanschen has hardly talked to the loveswept Ernst. That is until receives an unexpected meeting. A story of trickery and games as they define their future.
1. His Hand Dealt

A/N: This is my first fanfiction so any comments or constructive criticism would be gladly welcomed. If you like it, tell me and I will write more.

Ernst Robel sat in the cheerless classroom, fumbling his chalk with his fingers as he stared absently at the floor. His mind was far more concerned with other matters. Herr Sonnenstitch peered over Ernst's shoulder, examining the word which had been done, cane menacingly in hand. He snarled as he saw the blank slate and bent down, his face level with Ernst's, glaring at him, his teeth gritted.

"I do believe you have forgotten something, Herr Robel." Ernst began to stutter and mumble.

"Uh…I'm…uh…I'm sorry, sir."

A sadistic smile appeared on the cruel professor's face. He waved the cane slightly, causing Ernst to flinch and take a sharp intake of breath, awaiting the harsh blow but the teacher simply smiled and moved on, satisfied in Ernst's reaction. Ernst stared at his slate and fingers which were now covered in the matte white chalk dust and tried to write some form of Latin verse. He wrote the title _Nisus and Euryallus _but his mind kept wondering to the night before. He rehearsed the scene over and over in his mind – The soothing, devilish smile of Hanschen, the light brushing against Ernst's knee and that first kiss, soft and gentle before deepening its intensity. Ernst bit his lip as he remembered it. He had confessed his love to Hanschen, declaring that he loved him more than he had loved anyone else. Hanschen's words echoed through Ernst's head as his heart sank - "And so you should." There was no reply of affection, not even a slight feeling of camaraderie, just "And so you should" Hanschen had not talked to the boy for three days. Hanschen barely looked at Ernst, only glancing at him when he was forced to in group conversation. Hanschen had forgotten him. The feeling left Ernst feeling empty and alone. Georg turned around on his seat, now in the place where Moritz once sat.

"Ernst," Georg whispered under his breath, "What's the beginning?" Ernst sighed.

"It's about two soldiers who are best friends and go off to send a message together." Georg thanked him and turned back around on his chair, scratching the harsh chalk against the cold slate. Ernst gazed at the back of Hanschen, his head down, writing, his soft blonde hair neatly combed. Ernst sighed and attempted to write as much down as possible before handing it in to Herr Sonnenstitch for examination. Eventually all the boys were dismissed and the professor left. The boys immediately got up and left the room, Ernst in tow. He had just exited when a hand pulled him roughly by the arm, making him off balance and stumble towards an open door, into a small classroom that he had not seen before. He looked around, confused then turned around to see Hanschen staring intently at him. He pressed Ernst forcefully against the wall, pressing him against it as Hanschen closed the distant between them. Ernst could feel the heat of Hanschen's body against his and the large movements of the older boy's chest as he breathed. The close proximity made Ernst blush and become agitated but something other than Hanschen's arms was keeping him from pulling away. His lips were now painfully close to Ernst's. Ernst longed for them to meet once more.

"Nisus and Euryallus," Hanschen breathed. Ernst looked at him, confused. Hanschen smirked at Ernst's perplexed expression and whispered, "They weren't just best friends." Hanschen finally closed the gap between them, pressing his lips against Ernst's as he pulled Ernst even closer to him so that they molded into each other. Ernst's breathing was heavy and his mind was in a frenzy as he indulged in the kiss, running a hand through Hanschen's hair. He pressed his hand against the wall beside Ernst's head and curled his fingers in reaction to Ernst as he pulled Hanschen in once more. Eventually, Hanschen pulled away. He looked at Ernst, reading his reaction and stepped back, satisfied. He turned the handle, gazing at Ernst before shrugging, a smirk on his face and walking out. Ernst slid down the wall, his eyes and mouth wide with shock, recounting the past events to make some sense of why they came to such a blissful conclusion. Hanschen had played his hand and the game had begun.


	2. Rolling Dice

A/N: Thank you everyone for such kind reviews! I went for something a little gentler. Please tell me what you think and I will keep that in mind when writing in the future.

Hanschen walked into the vineyard, feeling a quick rush of satisfaction as he noticed Ernst staring at him as he sat down beside the boy. He propped his elbows on his knees and rested his chin on his palms, smiling mischievously up at Ernst. There was a pause while they looked at each other, Ernst looking nervous, his breathing irregular and Hanschen apparently much more comfortable. Ernst was such a peculiar boy. His hair was messy, his large eyes a muddy brown. Hanschen knew that he could have acquired someone far more typically handsome but something drew him to Ernst. Perhaps it was the ease with which he could be manipulated to do Hanschen's bidding – a cruel touch of sadism. Perhaps it was how the trivial actions that Hanschen made could have such a massive impact on the poor boy. Or perhaps it was their differences which intrigued him – the idea that two boys with entirely different thoughts and aspirations could ultimately be together. Hanschen looked at Ernst who stared nervously back at him. Hanschen smirked. Ernst was so easy to read. He expressed his emotions so easily. He was so transparent and innocent, everything Hanschen would never be. He remembered the time when they first truly talked. Ernst said he loved him and he couldn't reply. Something inside of him forced him to simply brush away the comment with a smile. His mind was too conflicted with emotions to think about love. Hanschen knew the reason for his original seeking of Ernst to be a matter of lust but now that he was sitting beside him, he didn't know. Ernst was so simplistic and pure. He never laughed at the misfortune of others, never had bad thoughts, never lied. The difference astonished Hanschen. Hanschen was only a year older but sometimes it felt like twenty. It made him feel like a cruel vulture preying on some poor innocent creature. A small sense of guilt rushed through him as he thought about it.

"Fluency."

"What?" Ernst said immediately, taken aback.

"The fluency and fluidity of your words within your speech and writing. That is one of the first things we need to work on. That is, assuming you would still like my help. Without fluency, your words become disjointed and meaningless."

"Uh…um…ok."

"Exactly."

"What?"

"Never mind."

Hanschen looked at Ernst who was now looking around in more nervously. Hanschen paused and waited until Ernst could no longer wait and blurted, "Aren't we going to talk?"

Hanschen smiled and sighed.

"About what?" Hanschen knew it was cruel to ask but couldn't help it. Ernst stuttered and stammered until Hanschen finally put him out of his misery. "I am here to help you as you requested. You said that you would like assistance with your writing every Tuesday at four. That, Herr Robel, is what I intend to do." Hanschen saw a quick flash of disappointment in Ernst's eyes before nodding and asking what he should do. Hanschen provided him with various exercises, teaching him vocabulary, grammar and sentence construction. Ernst was fairly quick at learning and they eventually they graduated to similes.

"You probably use them already," Hanschen said, sitting cross legged on the grass, leaning back on his hands. " You see, they're used for description by comparing two apparently unalike items for emphasis, for example, "The teachers are cruel like dragons." " Ernst laughed, running a hand through his messy hair.

"The school food is green and mould-like," Ernst tried. Hanschen smiled and leaned forwards.

"Not quite. That would be "The school food is green like mould. Try again."

"The sky is blue like water." Hanschen clapped, kindly ignoring the inaccuracy.

"And another?"

"The grass is soft…" Ernst paused and looked up at Hanschen. He face was serious and his mouth moved as he went through the phrase in his mind, "Like a pussycat." Hanschen was speechless. He looked at the floor and nodded, giving a slight smile. Ernst leant in, brushing his hand against Hanschen's shoulder but he pulled away. He smirked at Ernst. He hadn't expected to remember that phrase, himself, let alone Ernst remembering it. Yet, Hanschen too could recite everything that had been said, every movement made, every slight inflection of tone.

"I think that's enough for today," he said, and stood up to leave. As he turned away, Ernst took a hold of his hand and pulled him back, kissing him softly. The kiss was gentle and tender. When they parted, Hanschen traced his fingers along the surprisingly strong jaw line of Ernst.

"Take care, Ernst," he said before walking away. As he walked he took long, deep breaths. He hadn't realised quite how easily Ernst could affect him in that way. Perhaps they could _both_ be affected by such small, trivial actions.


	3. Poker Face

A/N: Thank you so much everyone! Your reviews are so wonderful and kind! I hope that you enjoy this chapter and look forward to reading more!

Ernst was sitting next to Hanschen with Otto and Georg in front of him. Hanschen lied, sprawled lazily out on the grass, reading, while Otto and Georg were in deep conversation. Their words made no sense to Ernst who sat awkwardly, feeling out of place and uncomfortable. He looked down at Hanschen and wondered how he could remain so calm whilst holding such a secret between the two of them. Perhaps he enjoyed the rush of exclusive knowledge. Ernst did not. Only a few weeks ago, Hanschen had hardly talked to Ernst in public in the past and he was not intending to do so any time soon. To others, they were simply acquaintances, smiling when they saw each other outside of class or swapping a few strained words when they happened to be together. Hanschen was not planning to change this outward appearance and hardly looked at Ernst who couldn't help but peer down at him every so often. Georg and Otto, however, didn't seem to notice and were far too interested in their own affairs to mind Ernst who now stared out, across the field silently. A slight breeze rushed past him and he watched as small dots ran around, playing games in the distance. He heard movement behind him and immediately snapped his head around to see Anna who was smiling meekly. Behind her were Thea and Martha who giggled to each other.

"Ernst!" Anna said, her voice slightly too high, "How wonderful to see you!" Otto and Georg had now parted themselves from their intense conversation and were staring intently at the girls, their eyes wide, absorbing, and their mouths slightly parted. There was a long pause as Ernst stared back at Anna before realizing that she was waiting for a reply.

"Oh…um…thank you, Anna. It's….uh….nice to see you too." Much to Ernst's dismay, Anna took this as an invitation to sit down next to him and attempt to start some sort of conversation. The other girls placed themselves next to Otto and Georg and began to chat with each other, ignoring the boys who were now gaping at them. Hanschen did not move, apparently too caught up in his book to notice any changes in his surroundings.

"So, you like to sit here in the summer?" Anna uttered, her voice flat and monotone. Ernst looked to Hanschen pleadingly but he simply turned the next page in his book, letting out a sigh.

"Actually, it's spring. Summer hasn't started yet."

"Oh. Well, do you like to sit here in the spring then?"

"Uh…no, this is my first time."

"Oh."

Ernst stared at the floor, avoiding eye contact. He felt so awkward and nervous. Here was Anna, trying to charm him with uncomfortable conversation and tense niceties. He hated it.

"I like your shoes," Anna piped up, leaning in towards Ernst who immediately moved away.

"What?"

"Your shoes - I like them."

"Oh…thank you."

Ernst pressed his lips together nervously. He wanted Anna to stop and go away, leaving him with Hanschen again. The fact that he couldn't tell her gave him a pit in his stomach. He screwed up his eyes and tried to breathe calmly.

"Ernst, are you alright?"

"Uh…yes, I'm fine." He paused for a moment and shook his head. "No, in fact, Anna, I'm really _not_ fine at all. Look, I'm sorry but…"

"My, Ernst, you look so pale," Ernst inquired, placing his book down, a cleverly believable look of concern on his face, "you don't look well at all. Perhaps I should take you to matron?" Ernst realised Hanschen's plan and immediately grabbed his head and groaned a tad too enthusiastically, forcing Hanschen try and hide his laughter behind a poorly staged cough. "I think it would be best if take him to matron," he said, wrapping an arm around Ernst and raising him up to standing position. He steered Ernst around so that they had their backs to Anna who had covered her mouth in worry.

"I hope you get better soon!" she said anxiously. Hanschen peered back and smiled.

"Don't worry. I'll do my best. He should be as right as rain in no time." It was subtle but Ernst understood the slight tone of melodramatic mockery within his voice. He smiled and sighed. Hanschen's humor was sadistic at its best. With that, Hanschen lead him away, Ernst filled with gratitude.

"Thank you," he whispered as they went inside. The heels of their shoes made a pitter patter sound against the cold tiles. "So where are we going?"

"To matron, like I said."

"But matron's away today. Her office will be empty." Ernst watched as a devilish smirk curled on to Hanschen's face.

"Exactly."

A/N: I have been wondering – how many chapters do you normally put in a fanfiction story? I've been trying to plan the plot of my story and I'm totaling to about eight. Roughly how many should I be writing?


	4. Calling Bluff

A/N: Thank you for such wonderful reviews! Sorry about the delay. I hope you like this chapter!

Hanschen followed Ernst into the matron's office, carefully closing the heavy door behind him. Light shone through the thin glass windows, creating intricate patterns on the wooden floor. Ernst leaned on the window sill, peering across the school grounds. Hanschen smiled and began to saunter towards the boy, a devilish look on his face.

"So," Hanschen said as he carefully took off his blazer and placed it on the matron's creaky upholstered chair, "you and Anna. I would have never guessed." Ernst turned around and blushed.

"Neither did I," he said, his voice meek but wistful. Hanschen took off his braces and unbuttoned his shirt as he looked at Ernst intently, a smirk on his face. Ernst raised his eyebrows.

"What are you doing?" he asked, gripping the window sill with his hands as Hanschen approached him. Hanschen simply smiled. Ernst surely wasn't _that _naïve. Hanschen bent down and whispered into Ernst's ear whilst running a soft hand inside Ernst's shirt and across his collar bone. Ernst swallowed and his eyes widened as he listened intently.

"Surely not?" he asked, looking at Hanschen with shock. Hanschen nodded and smirked.

"Aren't you curious?" Hanschen inquired, looking at the boy mischievously.

"Well….uh…I don't know, I suppose…" Ernst looked at the floor and furrowed his brow, apparently lost in his own inner turmoil. Hanschen sighed impatiently, rolling his eyes and, before Ernst could say anything else, kissed him. The boy stumbled back, his breathing erratic and heavy as Hanschen skirted the waistband of Ernst's britches. Hanschen slowly traced his lips down Ernst's neck. His skin was soft and delicate and he winced every time Hanschen kissed him. A wry smile curled on Hanschen's lips. He looked up, examining Ernst's deep brown eyes which stared back at him anxiously, their faces only a few painful millimeters apart.

"Am I hurting you?" Hanschen asked. His face was serious and concerned. Ernst smiled timidly and shook his head.

"No, not at all. I guess I'm just a little…" His words trailed off and there was a pause as he stared back at Hanschen who placed a gentle hand on his face.

"Don't worry. Everyone gets nervous about new things." Little did Ernst know that Hanschen's heart too was pounding within his chest. He tried to appear calm and controlled but even for him it was difficult. Ernst smiled back at him and they kissed once more. Ernst's lips felt soft against his own and the kiss was tender and gentle. Hanschen closed his eyes, indulging in the kiss as he began to undo the buttons of Ernst's shirt. When he was finished he traced his fingertips along Ernst's soft milky white skin. Ernst pulled away and looked down at Hanschen's hands across his bare chest. He cocked his head to the side and looked up at Hanschen who blushed. A smile now curled on Ernst's lips and he pressed them against Hanschen's, kissing him passionately. Hanschen's heart jolted and slipped his hands around the younger boy, trying to keep up with him. Hanschen hastily began to unbutton his britches when Ernst suddenly stopped him, placing his hand over Hanschen's. Hanschen smirked and looked up at Ernst.

"Hanschen," Ernst said, his voice serious and somber, "At the vineyard I said I loved you." Hanschen smiled as he fondly remembered that day. He nodded.

"Yes, so you did."

"Well, do _you _love _me_?" Hanschen's face fell. For the first time, he didn't know what to say. He hadn't anticipated such a question. Love was such a strong word. Was he fond of Ernst? Yes. Did he enjoy spending time with Ernst? Yes. But whether he loved him or not was another matter entirely. Hanschen swallowed and tried to form some sort of sentence but his words were muddled and disjointed. Ernst's previously happy expression darkened with shock, disappointment and dismay. Hanschen watched as the boy tried to make sense of such a poor answer, shaking his head in denial. Ernst repeated the question again: "Hanschen, do you love me?" but Hanschen could not reply. Ernst pulled away and covered his mouth, repulsed. Hanschen screwed up his eyes, filled with shame and collapsed into the matron's chair, burying his face in his hands. There was a knock on the door and the cheerful matron suddenly entered. She looked at the boys and smiled at them patronizingly as she examined their disheveled clothes.

"Oh dear boys, you know how bad it is to get into these silly little brawls. Just look at the state of you two. Just imagine what you would have done if I hadn't arrived early?"


	5. Change of Play

A/N: Sorry about taking so long to write this chapter. I've been planning the other chapters as well. I hope you enjoy it and reviewing and constructive criticism is always welcome!

Ernst watched as rain poured down against the one classroom window, frosted to prevent the outside world from creeping into the easily distracted minds of the pupils. Today's lesson was English. Ernst loathed it, detesting the rhymes and drills that were hammered into his brain by Herr Sonnenstitch. Ernst watched as spit escaped the screaming man's mouth. The words made no sense to Ernst; they were just shouts and yells which ricocheted through his head. His mind went back to Hanschen's words, soft and soothing as they uttered the intricate meanings of grammar and punctuation, but the thoughts were quickly removed. Ernst couldn't think about Hanschen, not even for a second. The thoughts would warp the boy's mind and make him forgive Hanschen, make him forget what he had done. Ernst couldn't let that happen. Hanschen had done too much for Ernst to ever forgive. He felt rejected, lost and angry. Why had Hanschen done such things? Why had he played such games? Ernst didn't understand. His eyes wandered to Hanschen who was carving into his desk with a pencil. His intense eyes shot up at Ernst. They stared at each other for only a second or so and Ernst immediately turned away, grabbing on to the edge of his desk nervously and gritting his teeth. He couldn't bear looking at Hanschen: too many memories would flood back. There would be the joyful memories – the way Hanschen looked at him, his gentle caress and the soft feeling of Hanschen's lips. But then afterwards he would remember yesterday and the emptiness which Hanschen had left him. He had tried to put his mind off Hanschen by occupying it with other things. Anna had asked him to help her with her piano playing. Despite him insisting that Georg would be more appropriate, he had agreed and now dreaded the prospect of it. As soon as the class was dismissed, Ernst tidied his books and rushed out of the classroom, trying avoiding any interaction with Hanschen but the older boy was too fast for him and was already waiting by the door. Hanschen looked around carefully for any onlookers and slowly leant in to speak to Ernst.

"Ernst," he said in a hushed tone, "can I speak with you in private?" Ernst looked at the floor, trying not to look at Hanschen. Hanschen placed a gentle hand on the boy's shoulder but he immediately pulled away. Hanschen let out a low exasperated sigh and paused for a moment. Suddenly Ernst felt a strong tug on his arm and he was pushed forcefully into the small classroom. He cursed his lack of strength compared to Hanschen and snarled, his breathing heavy. Hanschen looked at him, frowning.

"I apologize, Ernst; I shouldn't have done that." Ernst shook his head erratically and glared at Hanschen.

"No, you shouldn't have."

"I just need to talk to you." Hanschen stepped towards Ernst, his hand out, but Ernst moved away from him, weaving through the desks as he did so. When they were last in this room, everything was so different. They were so close, mentally as well as physically. Now they were so far apart.

"Right, then what do you have to say for yourself?" Ernst snapped. "Do you have any reasons for your behaviour? Because I sure as hell can't figure it out." Hanschen's eyebrows rose. Ernst had never spoken to anyone like that, let alone Hanschen. Hanschen looked at the floor and shook his head.

"No, I have no excuses." Ernst's heart sank as he rolled his eyes angrily at Hanschen's response.

"Then why the fuck are you here?" Hanschen sighed and shrugged.

"I don't know. I just wanted to talk to you." Ernst paused, confused, about to scream again when the door opened and Herr Sonnenstitch entered.

"Boys, what are you doing here?" he bellowed. Both boys immediately dropped their heads in submission.

"Sorry, sir," they said in unison.

"Remove yourselves immediately." Ernst walked towards the door but Hanschen did not. Instead he waited for Ernst to approach him on the way to the door. Ernst hesitated before walking up to Hanschen and whispering in his ear. His voice was almost begging.

"Please, leave me alone."


	6. Rematch

A/N: Sorry, this one's a long one. I wasn't expecting to cover Hanschen's thoughts in so much detail. I hope you like it! Please tell me what you think!

Hanschen listened to the gravel underneath his feet competing with the sound of his heavy breathing and pounding heart. Gradually he approached the stone house with its green shutter windows and matching door. Daffodils playfully traced the pathway which he was now walking up and around a large oak tree which swayed lazily over the terracotta tiled roof. The pleasant weather fought against Hanschen's conflicted emotions but he was too concentrated on the task at hand to pay unimportant Mother Nature any attention. He paused as he stood in front of the large green door. Yesterday had gone so terribly wrong. He assumed that he would be able to extemporize some sort of response to Ernst once he was in the room with him, using his typically polished manner, but everything went blank. He thought he would lure Ernst in as he had done before, drawing him in with long vowels and delectable consonants, but he could do nothing. All he could think about was how he longed to hold Ernst once more and the look the boy gave him when Hanschen held out his hand – a look of anger and the betrayed. It filled Hanschen with shame every time he thought of it. He damned the difficulty with which he could express his emotions. He knew that all he needed to do was say that he loved Ernst but something programmed into his harsh exterior frame made it so that he couldn't. Perhaps it was the fear of rejection or perhaps it was the fear of letting your guard down, even to someone who you truly care about. Hanschen didn't know but he despised it either way. He sighed; he had put himself in the exact same position as yesterday. He knew he would blunder about this time too, but something in him didn't care. He needed to be with Ernst, see him and hear his voice even if they weren't on the best terms. The doorbell made a high pitched jingling sound as he rung it and a short round woman appeared, her cheeks rosy and her smile broad.

"Oh, hello, how wonderful to see you. It's Hanschen, I believe?" Hanschen smiled and nodded.

"Yes, Frau Robel. It is a pleasure to see you again. Is Ernst home? Could I possibly speak with him?" Frau Robel grinned and ushered for Hanschen to come in.

"Yes, of course. Are you going to be joining Anna's lesson?" Hanschen turned his head sharply round, his brow furrowed.

"Anna?"

"Yes, Ernst offered Anna to help her with her piano playing. She's such a nice girl but I honestly don't think she needs the lessons. Don't tell him, but I think she might be just a tad better than my Ernst anyway but, oh well, whatever gives her piece of mind." Hanschen quickly hid his stunned expression and attempted to turn it into something more amiable.

"Yes, I am joining their lesson, although I must apologize in advance – my piano playing is terrible. I am sorry to sentence your beautiful home to such a terrible racket." Frau Robel laughed, pressing a hand to her breast.

"I'm sure that won't be a problem." She directed Hanschen through a pair of glass doors and into a bright room with a maple floor and piano. There sat Anna, laughing with Ernst next to her. They were sitting far too close to each other and Anna placed a hand on Ernst's shoulder which made Hanschen grit his teeth and try to regulate his breathing. He coughed and Ernst turned around immediately, standing up.

"Hanschen," he said. He looked at Hanschen intently, trying to read his face but Hanschen made sure not to give anything away. There were onlookers after all. "I was not expecting you here." Hanschen smiled wryly.

"Yes, well, I thought you could help _me _with my piano teaching also." He tilted his head and grinned at Anna who looked back at him, her eyebrows raised and a satisfying look of irritation on her face. "Could I maybe speak with you in private for a minute, Ernst?" Ernst grimaced but agreed and took Hanschen to another room. As soon as they were alone he turned to Ernst.

"What is she doing here?" he grilled. Ernst stood defensively.

"She needed help with her piano playing."

"But she's better than you are!"

"Why are _you _here?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"I already told you to leave me alone."

"Yes," Hanschen paused and took a deep breath, "but I can't." Ernst stood, silent. "When I'm with you, it feels really….nice… and when I'm not with you, I always think about how to trick you to spend time with me again. God, It never stops."

"You trick me?" Hanschen closed his eyes in shame and nodded. He felt Ernst's hand on his forearm. "You never tricked me. I knew what I was getting into." Hanschen turned away and looked about the room, agitated, not believing him.

"But in the vineyard and the classroom…" He ran a nervous hand through his hair and paced around on the carpet. "God, I shouldn't be here. It's just, I see you with that Anna girl and it makes me so angry. You shouldn't be sitting with her like that. I can't stand seeing it. I could go away but then I'd still _know _you were doing it even if I couldn't see it. I'm so sorry. God, it's driving me mad!" He buried his face in his hands and screwed up his eyes tightly. He awaited Ernst's angry shouts, seething comments and harsh words but there was nothing. The room was silent.

"I'm curious," Ernst said, his voice resolute. Hanschen turned around, confused.

"What?" Ernst stepped towards Hanschen and fiddled with the buttons on his shirt. Ernst was smiling. His smile was kind and warm.

"That thing you were talking about in matron's office. Well, I _am _curious." Hanschen's eyes widened.

"You want me to….after all this…?" Ernst confirmed his point, pressing his lips against Hanschen's. His body was filled with butterflies and together they stumbled clumsily across the room until Ernst was pressed firmly against the wall. They laughed nervously and slowly Hanschen leaned in, his heart pounding. His lips reached Ernst's ear and whispered softly into it.

"I love you." Hanschen felt Ernst's cheek move as he smiled.

"I know."


	7. Pick a Card

A/N: This one's a little longer than I usually write. I hope you like it! I'm trying to cover all the various dynamics of Hanschen and Ernst's relationship. My story is turning out to be a little more than eight chapters so I'll tell you when I'm close to the end. I enjoy writing this and keep thinking up new ideas. Hopefully you won't get bored of me before I'm done.

Ernst perched on the piano stool, his hands in his lap. He watched Hanschen intently as he stretched out across the armchair, laughing, his head tilted back so that it displayed his Adam's apple. The pale blue sky had darkened to a navy and Anna had left long ago. They had watched as she examined them, confused and bewildered about their sudden change in body language and as she eventually went home in vain. Hanschen had convinced Ernst's mother that there were some arithmetic questions that Hanschen needed help with and so they sat alone together in the sitting room with sandwiches that Ernst's mother had supplied, reflecting on the past events and contemplating what was to come. So much had happened that day that it left Ernst feeling numb. He felt a strange sense of euphoria mixed with anticipation and pure awe. Hanschen's smile was different now; it seemed more genuine and sincere. He sat trifling with the wooden arm of the chair as he spoke to Ernst, looking at him intently.

"Ernst Robel and Hanschen Rillow. Hanschen Rillow and Ernst Robel. I must admit: it has a ring to it." Ernst smiled and looked at the floor.

"I suppose it does."

"Did you ever think that…"

"No, never. I never expected anything like this to happen," Ernst said, interrupting Hanschen who simply smiled. Hanschen's eyes wondered about the room and he smirked as they rested on something behind Ernst. He turned around to see what it was and a sense of concern rushed through him as he saw the small mahogany liquor cabinet. "Hanschen, I don't know…" he said warily but Hanschen had already stood up and was walking towards it. He nimbly opened the cabinet and took out two glasses into which he poured some brandy from a heavy crystal bottle. He ambled up to Ernst and sat next to him on the small piano bench and held out a glass for him, smirking. Ernst stared at it, unmoving. Hanschen sighed and nudged him.

"Don't worry, Ernst. We're trying new things today, aren't we? Besides," he said, swirling the golden liquid, "it's so little it would hardly get a _mouse_ drunk." Ernst bit his lip and cautiously took the glass. Hanschen smirked and unblinkingly took a hefty swig of his own drink. Ernst wondered how much experience the older boy had in drinking such strong spirits. Ernst held the glass nervously in his hand, looking down at it.

"How does it taste?" Hanschen laughed softly and ran the smooth rim of the glass along his lips as he considered his answer.

"Like heaven in a glass," he replied. He turned to Ernst, placing his leg on the chair so that they were facing each other. "Try it." His expression was gentle and affectionate. Ernst had hardly seen such an expression on Hanschen's face before. Ernst cautiously eyed the glass in his hand.

"I'm not so…" he said, but his voice trailed off as he looked back up at Hanschen. Hanschen had placed himself so close to Ernst that he could feel Hanschen's breath against his skin. He watched as Hanschen's eyes traced down his face, over his lips and back, staring at him fixedly. Ernst could feel his heart racing within his chest and his breathing becoming erratic but for the first time, he realised that Hanschen was the same. He ran a tender hand through Ernst's hair and pressed their lips together. Hanschen's lips tasted of smooth and alluring apple cider. Ernst indulged in the kiss, parting his mouth so that he could explore further. Hanschen tried to speak but his slight pleas were ignored and he finally gave in, running his fingertips along the boy's chest as he kissed him. At last Ernst pulled away, his eyes alive with excitement and his mouth wide from shock. Hanschen smiled mischievously.

"Good?" Ernst nodded. He looked over the brandy, readied himself and took a hefty swig. The taste was harsh and bitter in his mouth. The previously pleasant taste was far too strong for Ernst, causing him to cough and splutter. Hanschen cringed sympathetically and took the glass.

"I'm sorry. I guess it's not for everyone." Ernst grimaced and nodded. There was a pause as they sat in silence, enjoying each other's company. Hanschen ran his soft fingertips along Ernst's jaw line. His touch sent shivers done Ernst's body. Hanschen gazed at Ernst earnestly.

"I'm….glad we did this," Hanschen said, his voice surprisingly sincere. Ernst's heart leapt. He understood what Hanschen was trying to say; in his own way, he was thanking Ernst, expressing his joy that such an unlikely relationship could grow and blossom. Ernst was amused by the thought that such a consistently quick-witted young man was not quite so eloquent when expressing his emotions. Ernst smiled and took Hanschen's hands in his own.

"So am I." He was about to pull Hanschen in closer to kiss him again when his mother entered. They swiftly parted and faced her.

"Boys, it's getting rather late. I assume Ernst has a home to go to," his mother chuckled. She beamed at the boys until her eyes rested on the brandy beside them. Her eyes widened and her brow furrowed. Her voice became quiet, high pitched and erratic, her attempt at remaining calm failing pitifully. "Boys….I hope that's not what I think it is," she said, staring at the half drunken glasses. Ernst swallowed and looked at Hanschen who sighed and gave a guilty wry smile. Perhaps the day wasn't quite so good after all.


	8. Time Out

A/N: Sorry about taking so long to write this one. I have had a lot of work to do lately. Also, this chapter doesn't include Ernst, which again, I'm sorry for. The next chapter will be as Hernsty as possible, I promise.

Hanschen sat in the overly extravagant dining room, his parents looming over him as he stared at the heavy oak table. In front of him was a letter. He gazed down at it.

"Do you have an explanation for this?" His mother asked, gesturing towards the letter with her long thin hands. Hanschen shrugged. His mother tapped her fingertips on the table as she looked at him intently, trying to read his expression. Her voice was matter of fact and distant, like a teacher or other member of authority. If it wasn't for their same icy blonde hair, few would have guessed they were related. "When you leave the house, Hanschen, I do not expect to receive letters from children's parents stating that you have been drinking their alcohol," she hissed. Hanschen smirked: "children" was such an unsuitable word. He caught his mother's eye. They were cold and genuinely clueless. She had no idea, not even the slightest fleeting thought about what he knew about the world, about what he had done. His eyes returned to the table and his mother continued. "And, of all people, the letter is from the mother of that Robel boy. I didn't know that he was your friend." Hanschen knew what that meant: the possibility of a Rilow child having any kind of friendship was obviously unfeasible to her. Little did she know. He wondered how Ernst was, whether he was under the same examination. Hanschen sighed exasperatedly.

"He's not my friend, mother," he lied. He didn't know why he didn't tell her the truth. Perhaps he didn't want to allow others to know, to spoil their relationship, contaminate it with their knowledge and prying eyes.

"You have been away from home a lot recently." Hanschen was surprised she had noticed. "Have you been meeting with _him_?"

"No, mother," he said coldly.

"Then who have you been meeting with?"

"No one, mother."

"Is he the one who gave you the alcohol?"

"No!" Hanschen immediately snapped. His mother was taken aback but he quickly composed himself, avoiding further punishment.

"Then who gave you the whisky?"

"Brandy," Hanschen corrected her.

"Brandy then," she said, irritated.

"No one did."

"Then how did it come to be in your hand?" Her questions were persistent and were making him agitated. His mother paused at the lack of answer but then moved on.

"Why were you at his house yesterday?" Hanschen shrugged again.

"Piano lessons."

"You can't play the piano," his mother seethed.

"Then, obviously, I need lessons, don't I?" His mother glared at him, angered, before circling him, examining him closely. She paused and swiftly took hold of Hanschen's arm and pulling it up sharply to inspect it.

"What's this?" she demanded as she arched his arm painfully. He looked and saw a thin line of small red marks on his outer arm. His thoughts traced back to the evening before, Ernst's soft moans and curling fingers, embedding them into his delicate skin. Ernst must have made more of a mark than Hanschen had realised. He smiled slightly but quickly hid his expression as he saw his mother staring at him. He covered the marks with his hand protectively and pulled his arm away from her.

"Nothing, mother."

"How did you get those marks?" There was a pause as Hanschen looked back at his mother.

"I think we both know how I get such bruises and marks, mother," he said, his voice defiant. His mother's eyes narrowed and she slowly stepped back as she realised what he was implicating. She walked towards his father and talked to him a hushed voice. Although Hanschen could not hear them, he knew what they were saying. His father nodded and slowly approached Hanschen, his frame tall and threatening. Some people had said that Hanschen looked a lot like his father but Hanschen couldn't see any resemblance. His father stood over him, gazing down.

"Your actions have been _very _embarrassing for us," he said, his voice low and drawn out, "It will not happen again. Now go to your room and await your punishment." Hanschen cursed his body as it flinched and stood up. He nodded at his father, his face expressionless and left the room, walking up to his own. He drew the curtains of the long, tall windows and carefully tried to remove his clothes. His hands were shaking and fumbled with his tie and buttons. He slammed a hand against the table in frustration. He heard the door handle turning and shuddered, awaiting his reparation. He concentrated on his breathing, trying to make it calm. He would need as much composure as he could muster.


	9. Hide and Seek

A/N: Sorry about taking so long! I've had a lot of work and have been very busy with SA London closing. This chapter is my longest chapter yet so hopefully that might make up for it (or bore you but oh well). I hope you like this chapter and I'm sorry for the wait!

Ernst dashed into the woods excitedly. He weaved around the trees, trying to make as little noise as possible but the rustling leaves and his heavy breathing betrayed him. He hoped that the others were forming a large enough distraction for him to remain unnoticed. When he was a good distance away, he dipped behind a tree and peered over it anxiously.

"Aren't you too old to play hide and seek?" a familiar voice asked. Ernst looked back and saw Hanschen reclining against a branch, an eyebrow raised and a smirk curled on his lips.

"Hanschen," Ernst said, surprised to find him there, "How did you know I was here?" Hanschen shrugged, his hands placed casually in his pockets.

"You always hide here."

"Really? _Always?_"

"Always." Ernst sighed, letting his head dip, smiling. He should never underestimate a Rilow. He looked at Hanschen as he lounged there, his shirt neatly pressed and hair tidily combed. Ernst could hear the slight sounds of shouts and squeals from afar as the others were spotted and caught. A slight rush of fear ran through him as he realised Hanschen might give away his position.

"Could you possibly…hide?" he asked meekly. Hanschen let out a melodramatic lament and sauntered over to Ernst, perching beside him. Ernst smiled. He hadn't expected Hanschen to do as he had asked.

"Better?" Ernst nodded. There was a silence as he listened intently to the distant voices and Hanschen gazed at him. "How is everything at home?" Ernst shrugged.

"It's fine, although I'm not allowed alone in a room with alcohol in it anymore," he said, his back turned to Hanschen as he looked for the others. Hanschen laughed but was quickly shushed. He rolled his eyes and put his head back against the bark of the tree, reclining against the trunk. He let out a long, disinterested sigh and traced his fingertips up Ernst's forearm. Ernst pulled away, trying to concentrate, but Hanschen had already begun to edge closer to him, wrapping his arms around the younger boy. Ernst turned his head further away from him, focusing on the task at hand but it was becoming difficult. Hanschen bent down and whispered in his ear. His words were frolicsome yet wicked: "What? Don't you want to play _my_ game too?" Ernst swallowed.

"I…I...We couldn't…it's not appropriate." Hanschen groaned, tilting his head back.

"That wasn't a problem before, was it?" Ernst felt a gentle hand run over his stomach, causing his breathing to become shallow. "It wasn't a problem in the vineyard, or in that classroom…" Hanschen leant in once more, brushing his lips against Ernst's neck, causing him to shiver "or at your house when we…"

"We…we could get caught," Ernst interrupted, surprised at his own rationalism and eloquence in such a testing situation.

"You've hidden here _God _knows how many times and you haven't been caught once." Ernst turned around, alarmed at Hanschen's phrasing, who smiled playfully, satisfied with the results it had caused. "Look," he said, running his thumb gently across Ernst's bottom lip, "No one will find us. Besides, what harm can one tiny, little kiss do?" Hanschen slowly leaned in and brushed his lips against Ernst's. Ernst knew that he should turn away again but temptation got the better of him and he remained motionless. A smirk curled on Hanschen's lips and he kissed Ernst once more, this time more violently, placing a hand on the back of his neck so that he could plunge deeper into his mouth. A soft moan escaped his lips as Hanschen pressed him up against the tree and fondled with his hair.

"ERNST?!" called a voice in the distance. Ernst's body tensed up and his heart raced even faster than it had before. Fear and terror rushed through him as he pulled away. He tried to scramble away from Hanschen but was pulled back. Ernst looked at Hanschen, confused and angry about why he had done such a thing until he placed a hand on Ernst's lips and shushed him, smirking.

"Ernst? Are you there?" Ernst's mouth widened as he realised that no one had seen them. He was about to speak until Hanschen shook his head. They sat pinned to the tree, holding each other, their breathing heavy and their eyes alight with excitement and fear.

"Ernst?!" cried the voice once more. They did not reply; they waited silently as Ernst's heart pounded in his chest. They heard a groan of dismay and the crumpling sound of footsteps on leaves slowly fading until they could hear no more. Hanschen and Ernst remained frozen, clinging to each other until their pursuer was a safe distance away. They stared at each other for a moment before collapsing together, embracing, letting out a relieved sigh.

"Close call," Hanschen said, laughing, subtly wiping his brow. Ernst nodded. That was certainly enough adventure for one day. Smiling, he got up to leave but Hanschen took him firmly by the arm and tugged him back. "What are you doing?" Ernst hesitated before replying.

"We were almost caught, Hanschen." A devilish smile curled on Hanschen's lips.

"Exactly." Ernst squinted, confused as Hanschen tugged at the waistband of Ernst's britches playfully, drawing him closer. "After all that, we're finally alone, safe. Don't you want to utilize this…opportunity?" Ernst raised his eyebrows, startled.

"You mean, even though…?"

"Yes." Ernst studied Hanschen's eyes; they were mischievous yet determined. He was serious. Ernst felt a slight rush of exhilaration. He bit his lip nervously before taking a deep breath and kissing Hanschen. Surprised, Hanschen stumbled backwards, allowing Ernst to move himself closer so that he now straddled Hanschen's legs. Alarmed by his _own _behaviour, Ernst pulled back, about to apologize for such impulsive actions but Hanschen grabbed him roughly by the waist, returning them to each other's tight grasp. He nimbly unbuttoned Ernst's shirt and littered his collarbone with frantic kisses. Ernst attempted to undo Hanschen's shirt in response but the havoc caused by his lips made it difficult for Ernst to concentrate on his fumbling fingers. When he reached the third button, he felt Hanschen draw back but he swiftly returned, this time turning to Ernst's britches. Ernst continued floundering hectically with Hanschen's buttons until his shirt fell open by his sides. The view made Ernst blush. He sat up and looked at the earthy floor beside him but Hanschen, now becoming impatient, got up with him and pressed their lips together once more. Together they ignored the cruel reality around them. They were alone and nothing could touch them. Ernst instinctively grabbed Hanschen's waist as they kissed but Hanschen flinched as he did so. Ernst paused, confused, but Hanschen continued as if nothing had happened, undoing Ernst's britches. Ernst pulled at Hanschen's waist once more, causing Hanschen cringe again and breath through his teeth.

"Hanschen," Ernst piped up, "is everything all right?"

"Perfectly fine," Hanschen replied, shrugging off Ernst's comment, continuing to kiss him but he pulled away, shaking his head. His eyes wandered to Hanschen's waist where he saw an awkwardly positioned shadow. He leant forward to touch it but Hanschen tried to lock them a kiss once more, distracting him. "Just ignore it," he mumbled but Ernst pulled away. Hanschen's face fell, his previously mischievous expression changing into one of almost anger, his jaw tensed and his brow furrowed. He looked away from Ernst, his breathing heavy as Ernst placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and slowly pulled back his shirt to inspect him. The shadow remained, revealing itself as a large bruise on his left hip. Ernst's eyes widened. He tried to say something but his words were muddled and he stuttered and stumbled. Hanschen's head dropped slightly with exasperation and shame. Gradually Ernst observed him further and reached for the back of Hanschen's collar. Hanschen's body tensed and Ernst peeled off Hanschen's shirt to reveal a back covered in bruises and welts. The dark purple bruises looked harsh against his soft pale skin. He grimaced as Ernst gasped, placing a hand to his mouth and shaking his head.

"Oh, Hanschen…" he whimpered but Hanschen did not reply. He remained silent, staring at the floor, his teeth gritted. Ernst lightly traced the lines of Hanschen's wounds with his fingertips. Hanschen was such a strong person; the concept of him getting hurt was inconceivable to Ernst. It made his heart ache to see such a sight. "Who did this to you, Hanschen?" Hanschen shrugged.

"It doesn't matter." His voice was flat and cold. Ernst's eyes filled with realization.

"Hanschen, Was…was it because we got caught the other night?" Hanschen remained silent, answering Ernst's question. "Oh, god, Hanschen," Ernst's eyes welled up with tears, "_I_ did this to you." Hanschen snapped round, grabbing Ernst roughly by the shoulders.

"No, you _never _did this to me. _Never _say that," he said forcefully, his face serious and determined. "_Life _did this, not you. But we get up, brush ourselves off and ignore what shit life throws at us." There was a pause and he smiled softly, tracing the contours of Ernst's face. "Now, where were we?"


	10. Tactics

A/N: Sorry my updates are taking so long. I've rewritten this chapter a couple of times. I haven't put much of Ernst in this chapter but I wanted to cover some of Hanschen's past and how various characters react to him. I hope you don't mind too much. Ernst and Hanschen will be together again in the next chapter, though. It is a Hernst fic after all. 

Hanschen reclined against a tree, a book in one hand, pretending to read it while Ernst played with the girls in the valley below him, yelling gleefully as they chased each other. Such games were not to Hanschen's taste; he would much rather observe from afar. But even he had to admit, they made it look like fun. He examined them as they ran about in circles excitedly, giggling, their faces awake with delight. A slight smirk curled on Hanschen's lips and he returned to his book.

"They seem to be having fun, don't they?" said a voice behind him.

"Hello, Ilse," Hanschen said immediately, his eyes still on the pages. "Why aren't you with them?" Ilse sighed, letting herself fall to the floor so that she lay on her back, staring up at him.

"I suppose I just wanted to talk," she replied wistfully. Hanschen snickered; He doubted that _talking_ was the main reason for her coming to see him. "So, how are you, Hanschen?" she asked, her eyes wide and her voice mild and mellifluous. "I haven't seen you much lately." Hanschen nodded.

"I have had a lot of work to do." Ilse pouted sympathetically as she fiddled absent mindedly with her hair. Her eyes drifted to the title of Hanschen's book.

"Dracula…" she said, overly articulating her vowels. "Is that what Herr Sonnenstitch has set you?" Hanschen smirked.

"No, this is extra."

"Why are you doing extra work?" She put out her hand towards the book but Hanschen pulled it away. "Can I read some?"

"No," he replied, trying to make some sort of reasonable excuse other than the fact that it was a story about the living dead, "it's in Latin." Ilse raised her eyebrows and closed her eyes, tilting her face towards the sun. A few minutes passed and Hanschen continued to read his book, looking protectively towards Ernst every so often.

"You should join me and play with them." Ilse said.

"Who?" he snapped. Ilse rolled her eyes and gestured towards Ernst and the girls.

"Look, see? Wendla's stopped playing. We could join them." Hanschen shook his head. The idea was almost laughable.

"I doubt their parents would want their precious daughters to be playing with malicious boys like me."

"Ernst is playing with them…"

"I'm not Ernst and, besides, he's hardly…"

"A threat?" Ilse interrupted. She got up and leant towards Hanschen as if she was about to unearth a tremendous secret. "I've seen boys like him…in the colony. They like different things. They're not like you or I." Hanschen repressed a laugh: he had certainly hidden his feelings well. He looked back seriously at Ilse who has now edging herself closer to him.

"And by that you mean?" Hanschen asked, pretending not to understand.

"You know." At least Ilse had got that part about Hanschen right. "He likes _boys_."

"Boys?!" Hanschen said in disbelief, trying to make it appear as genuine as possible. "You think Ernst likes _boys_? I know he's friendly but, honestly, Ilse…"

"No, truly, he does!" Ilse said, grabbing Hanschen's hands and staring at him intently. "I've seen him _look _at them, _really _look." Hanschen cocked his head to the side and gave a doubtful smile. Ilse gazed down at the floor. "I've seen him look at _you_, Hanschen." Hanschen swallowed nervously. He didn't know how to react; he was treading difficult waters and his lack of knowing made him feel anxious. He didn't like it. Normally he had thrived in difficult situations like these but now his heart pounded in his chest and his mind buzzed nervously, trying to find the answer to the situation. But Hanschen could find none; he was too caught up in his nerves. Perhaps it was because felt as if he had something to lose? It was easy to act composed when you didn't care too much about something but now he was swept up in this rush of emotions with Ernst, a blessing and a curse. He now realised why Ernst acted the way he did, in such an unrestrained manner. Hanschen let out a long breath and tried to focus.

"Me?" Hanschen asked. Ilse nodded.

"When we sit by the lake. He was looking at you only a few days ago too, you know, about an hour after we had finished playing hide and seek and you arrived, finished with your work." She spoke in a low whisper and pursed her lips together when she was finished. Hanschen groaned, placing his book down and running a hand through his neatly combed hair.

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely," Ilse said, nodding vigorously, "I have experience with this type of person. They're _very _easy to spot." Hanschen coughed. "I'm sorry. I just thought I should warn you. Boys have been exiled for worse things." Hanschen furrowed his brow and stood up.

"Well, so long as he doesn't …try anything, I think it's fine. I can't control who looks at me." Ilse began to giggle and blushed. Hanschen resisted rolling his eyes and bent down to pick up his book. Ilse took his arm as he did so. Her touch was cold but gentle.

"Perhaps we don't play with the others? You could come back to the colony with me. It's fun back there." Ilse sat up so that she was at eye level and reached out to stroke Hanschen's hair. "Remember last time when we were in the gardens and we…?" Hanschen pulled away and gave a wry smile.

"I still have the scratches from those thorn bushes." Ilse giggled, sticking out her tongue.

"We could go back there again? Get some more scratches?" Hanschen shrugged. He looked out on to the field where Ernst was running. He knew that Ernst would never find out and even if he did, he wouldn't do anything. Something, however, made Hanschen not want to accept the offer, despite his body telling him otherwise.

"I think I'll pass."

"Why?" Hanschen pondered over the answer himself. He supposed that although Ernst would be loyal to him no matter what, something made Hanschen want to do the same. He smirked at his newfound sentimentality and turned to Ilse.

"Work," he replied, taking his book and waving it with a slight flick of his wrist, "like I said: Dracula." Ilse frowned, disappointed and placed a light kiss on Hanschen's cheek.

"Another time then?" Hanschen nodded.

"Maybe," he lied.


	11. Sudden Death

A/N: My story is gradually coming to an end; I probably have about three chapters left to go. I hope you find this chapter fairly enjoyable.  Thank you so much for being so friendly and welcoming towards me, particularly as it's my first ever story.

Ernst fiddled nervously with the cuff of his sleeve as he watched Hanschen while he worked. His face was serious and his breathing calm and slow, unlike Ernst's whose eyes darted about the library. They were alone at the back of the large room, hidden by two large bookshelves, with only the quiet murmurs and whispers from afar to remind them of the outside world. But still Ernst felt uneasy; He had wanted to speak to Hanschen but now that they were alone together, all he could do was stutter and stare at him as he coolly calculated his equations and translated his Latin. Ernst let out a long breath and Hanschen peered up at him, his fountain pen in hand.

"Is everything all right over there, Ernst?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. Ernst nodded, looking at his feet. Hanschen sighed and turned back to his work but his pen remained motionless. He paused before tapping it against the table a couple of times and peering back up at Ernst, almost speculating about him. Ernst pressed his lips together as Hanschen rose from his chair and positioned himself next to him. He tilted his head to the side and gazed down at Ernst. His face expressed curiousness as if something in Ernst intrigued him. He traced circles along Ernst's arm with his fingertips and bent down so that he was eye level, their lips only a few painful millimeters apart. Ernst could feel Hanschen's hot breath against his face. He stared back at Hanschen anxiously, his eyes wide as he watched Hanschen teasingly bite his tongue as he smirked. Ernst had closed his eyes for a brief moment, trying to concentrate, when Hanschen finally pounced, pressing their lips together. Ernst did not react for a moment, indulging in the sensation of Hanschen's lips against his own before the older boy stiffly grabbed him by the knee, hoisting him upward and on to the desk which he had been working on. There were clatters and thuds as stationary fell against the hard wooden floor. Ernst cringed, sure that he had broken his ink bottle, causing Hanschen to smirk sadistically. Before Ernst could protest, their lips smashed together once more as Hanschen clutched on to Ernst's knee, pulling him close so that their bodies pressed against each other and they could feel every slight wrinkle of thin fabric which separated them. Ernst's mind buzzed with the mix of sensations but he tried to focus, pushing Hanschen away but his arms were weak and his movements lacked effort.

"Hanschen…" he managed to mumble.

"Yes?" Hanschen replied before roughly biting Ernst's lip, eliciting an involuntary moan.

"I…" Ernst blurted as Hanschen began to trace kisses down Ernst's neck. "I want to tell the girls." Hanschen paused and pulled away to look at Ernst, his brow furrowed.

"What?" Ernst became even more nervous than before and he froze under Hanschen's stare.

"It's…it's just…I'm friends with the girls and I thought we could tell them that we…" His voice trailed off and he started rummaging urgently through his satchel. "Look, I found these." He pulled out various books littered with bookmarks and notes that he had taken. He presented them anxiously in front of Hanschen, explaining as his fumbling fingers opened the books and turned their pages so that Hanschen could see. "Hadrian and Antinous, Caphisodorus and Epamimondas, Giglamesh and Enkindu: they're all like us Hanschen. There are others like us!" He looked up at Hanschen hopefully but the older boy's face was serious and somber.

Ernst's heart fell as Hanschen asked matter of factly, "Where did you get these?"

"From the village library," Ernst answered, shrugging defensively. His lips still tingled from Hanschen's rough kiss from before but now the sensation seemed far less pleasant than it had earlier.

"Did anyone see you get them?" Ernst shook his head. Hanschen nodded and furrowed his brow. He started to speak but stopped and remained staring at the open books for a moment. "People like us, Ernst, what we do….what we _are_," he corrected himself, "it's not acceptable in our society."

"But the books…"

"I know, Ernst, but they're books; they're all about the past. It's not acceptable anymore." Ernst swallowed. He couldn't believe that such a thing was true. "There aren't any books about people doing that now, are there?"

"But surely…?"

"No, Ernst."

"But…but why?" Hanschen walked over to one of the bookshelves, scanning it until he found what he was looking for. He took out a black leather bound bible and furiously flicked through the pages. He paused, scanning the page before handing it over to Ernst who peered down at it. He tried to steady his shaking hands as he read the top line. "Leviticus 18:22 – Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is an abomination." Ernst looked up at Hanschen, confused. "_That?_ _That_ is the reason why we…?"

"Yes."

"But…but it's so small! How can such a small phrase have such a large impact on our lives?" Hanschen sighed solemnly and ran a hand through his blonde hair.

"_Some_ say it's the word of God."

"But God has so many other words!" Ernst exclaimed, his bottom lip quivering, "words of love and understand and forgiveness…" He felt angry but he didn't know who he was angry at. Society? Hanschen? Himself? He was confused and frustrated. He collapsed on to a chair and buried his face in his hands.

"I know. Sadly, some people focus only on the words which help themselves, not others." Hanschen placed his hands gently on Ernst's shoulders and looked down at him. Hanschen's eyes expressed an unusual level of consideration and understanding as well as guilt. He was always so sly and playful. It was strange seeing Hanschen so humorless, his guard down. "Look, I'm sorry we…" Ernst looked away, shaking his head, dismissing Hanschen.

"No, no, you can't help it." There was a silence and Hanschen placed a soft kiss on Ernst's cheek. Suddenly Ernst heard the heavy sound of running towards them and they swiftly parted. Martha appeared, her breathing heavy and tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Martha?" Ernst said, surprised and confused as Hanschen hurriedly hid the incriminating books in his satchel.

"Ernst, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be here but I had to tell you."

"What is it?"

"It's just so horrible," Martha sobbed, rubbing her already red eyes. "It's Wendla. She's dead."


	12. Gambling

A/N: I'm sorry for taking so long with writing this chapter. I hope it was at least mildly worth the wait and hope you enjoy it. Thank you for all your very kind reviews!

"Wendla Bergman was a wonderful girl, an archetype of innocence, purity and kindness," the pastor bellowed, his voice echoing throughout the large stone church. Hanschen pretended to listen, his face passive and expressionless, but his eyes were on the boy sitting two rows in front of him, whose eyes were wide, body language defensive and bottom lip was quivering. Hanschen clenched his jaw. He wanted to comfort Ernst in some way but they were separated, divided by their parents and family members who placed their hands on each other's shoulders and looked at the coffin with commiserations and pity. Hanschen's mother, however, was just as focused on Hanschen as he was on Ernst. She eyed him up and down, inspecting him as she always did down her long nose, waiting for him to make an inevitable mistake and embarrass her as expected. Hanschen let out a silent, exasperated sigh and focused his eyes back on to the pastor. "Let us focus on the joys and successes of her short life rather than its end."

"How did it happen?" whispered Georg inconsiderately.

"Anemia," Hanschen drawled, only to be shushed by his mother. The pastor paused but continued.

"Sadly the time has come for Fraulein Bergman to end this life and to pass on…" Ernst coughed painfully, obviously distressed. Hanschen couldn't help but bite his lip nervously at Ernst's anguish. The pastor looked at the small school boy, a mix of confusion and sympathy on his face. He sighed and turned back to his speech. "Although the time that Fraulein Bergman spent in this life has been brief…" Ernst let out another strangled wail. "We know that she is now with God in eternal…" Suddenly Ernst stood up with a loud screech of the wooden pew and ran out of the church. The door slammed behind him, echoing through the hall. The people inside began to whisper and gossip. The pastor tried to continue but their voices were too loud and he could not be heard. Hanschen instinctively deserted his family and chased after Ernst, leaving his belongings as he ventured outside. The rain which had forced them inside earlier poured down relentlessly against the cold gravestones and caused the grass to be soft and sink underneath Hanschen's feet. A short distance away stood a small, thin figure with its back turned to him. The figure's head was bowed and its shoulders shaking. Hanschen moved towards it and stood nearby.

"You're missing the ceremony," Hanschen said emotionlessly. Ernst turned around, surprised that anyone had followed him. He grabbed his quaking shoulders defensively and looked out across the hundreds of graves.

"Do you think it hurts…dying?" Hanschen paused, not knowing how to reply.

"I don't know," he finally said. He didn't like seeing Ernst like this. He wanted to comfort Ernst but he didn't quite know how. At least he could tell the truth and not gloss over the situation; he owed Ernst that at least.

"Remember this?" Ernst pointed at the floor overly casually and dug his hands into his pockets. Hanschen peered down and looked at the slate tombstone.

"Moritz," he said in a low voice. Ernst nodded.

"We were here so recently, mourning when Moritz…but he looks as if he has been here for years." Hanschen eyed the stone. Shrubs and overgrowth had already begun to crawl over it and the dirt and dust had turned to mud in the rain, making Moritz' name almost unreadable. "Nobody visits him anymore, do they?" Hanschen's silence was a good enough answer. "He's forgotten, Hanschen." He put his hand on Ernst's shoulder and turned the younger boy to face him. Tears were pouring down Ernst's cheeks as Hanschen caught his eyes which had been rubbed raw. He looked at the floor and took a deep breath, trying to stop crying, wiping his eyes with his sleeve cuff but it was pointless; the raindrops mixed with his salty tears, made it impossible to dry his wet face.

"Come inside," Hanschen said, fondling the fabric of Ernst's sleeve with his thumb as his hand rested there. "You're getting wet."

"So are you." Hanschen laughed. It hadn't occurred to him and, even now, he didn't care. _He_ didn't matter, not now anyway; Ernst did. The younger boy looked down at the memory of Moritz, already suffering from decay. He moved away from Hanschen and dropped to his knees before the older boy could protest, pressing his knees into the soft mud. Hanschen watched as the boy lovingly wiped away the mud from the stone. "I won't forget you, Moritz," he whispered. Hanschen stood behind him as he, with his hands covered in the sludge, then attempted to tug at the shrubs and offending grass. The roots were strong and the reeds slid against his grasping fingers. "I won't forget you," he repeated, his failure making his attempts more frantic and desperate with each hopeless try. He bent deeper down in to the mud, covering his jacket and britches as he did so, determined to not let himself be beaten.

"Ernst…" Hanschen sighed worriedly.

"No, Hanschen!" Ernst shouted, "I won't! I won't!" Hanschen bent down and took Ernst in his arms, pulling the few reeds of grass from Ernst's trembling fingers. His shoulders shook and he lurched forwards, trying to pull away but Hanschen held tightly on to him, not letting him go. He shushed Ernst like a mother calming a child as their bodies pressed closely together. "We're all falling like flies, Hanschen," Ernst cried, "one by one. First it was Moritz, then Melchior and now…"

"Sssh," Hanschen interrupted, "we're not them. Who says we have to have the same fate?" Ernst tried to protest but Hanschen shook his head. "Look," he said, taking the younger boy's face in his hands, "I'm not going anywhere, alright?" His own heart twanged nervously as doubt rushed through his mind. He instinctively held Ernst's head against his heart protectively. Ernst wrapped his arms around Hanschen and pressed them firmly against his back in some form of trust. Hanschen bit his lip and breathing heavily, uttered the promise once more, trying to convince himself as much as Ernst, praying that he was speaking the truth; "I'll never leave you, Ernst, never."


	13. Lost

A/N: This is the second to last chapter! Thank you everyone for such wonderful support! The final chapter will be an epilogue. I hope you have enjoyed reading my story and look forward to its completion.

Ernst sat perched on the window sill, lazily curled up in Hanschen's arms. He peered down through the frosted glass, looking at the oblivious world below. He was surprised by how safe and secure he felt just relaxing there as time drifted past. In such a fragile world, where nothing was certain, there was Hanschen, a never ceasing being: something certain in this uncertain world. He curled up closer against Hanschen's body and nuzzled himself against his shoulder. Hanschen smiled and caressed his arm.

"Come on," Hanschen eventually said, leaning down so that he could speak into Ernst's ear. "Class will start soon." He turned around and looked intently at Hanschen.

"Please, Hanschen. We have plenty of time." Hanschen gave a wry smile and shook his head.

"We don't and I doubt the boys will look kindly on us sitting like this." Ernst looked down at Hanschen's legs which were neatly placed either side of him.

"But still, we _have_ to be able to stay here for just a little while longer," he pleaded.

"The boys will come in any minute." Ernst sighed and rested his hand on Hanschen's cheek. His skin felt soft against his palm. Slowly Ernst leant in and brushed their lips together for a quick moment. Hanschen smiled and Ernst kissed him once more. He pulled Ernst in closer and lightly tugged at his lower lip playfully with his teeth, causing the boy to giggle. Hanschen smirked and shifted his legs, sliding Ernst off the window sill.

"Come on: time's up." Ernst sighed and smoothed out his clothes once his feet hit the ground. As soon as they had parted, Georg entered. Hanschen gave Ernst a look, emphasizing his accuracy on the warning before and looked to Georg.

"Hanschen, I've been looking for you," Georg said.

"Really?" Hanschen asked, uninterested.

"Yes, you left your bag at the church yesterday. I thought I should give it back to you." He held out the leather satchel on his arm for Hanschen to take. Ernst watched as Hanschen's eyes widened for a brief moment before returning to their typical harsh stare.

"Did you open my bag?" he asked as he took it from him. Georg rolled his eyes and nodded.

"Of course I did. You haven't got anything interesting in there, though: just books. You're really interested in your books, aren't you?"

"What books?" Ernst asked, attempting to join in the conversation but Hanschen shook his head warningly, apparently nervous about something.

"Just a ton of books on various people. I didn't really read them much. Hanschen here certainly has, though; they're all covered in notes and page markers." Ernst's mouth widened and he looked towards Hanschen who nodded, confirming his fears; they were Ernst's books from a few days before. Ernst felt sick. He grasped one of the desks for support as his heart pounded against his ribcage.

"Did anyone else read the books, Georg?" Ernst asked nervously, attempting to appear casual.

"Yeah, a few others. Why?"

"Which others?"

"Anna, Krankenschwester Hirsch, Herr Sonnenstitch…"

"Fuck," Hanschen cursed, running a hand through his hair. Georg gave a confused, shocked look at Hanschen's language. Hanschen screwed up his eyes, trying to concentrate as he began to pace about the room. "Jesus, Georg! Why couldn't you have kept your fucking…?" His eyes turned to Ernst as he cringed, causing Hanschen to stop. He let out a long breath and clenched his jaw.

"God, Hanschen, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"I know you didn't," Hanschen interrupted, not looking at him, his tone sharp and to the point. "I just need to sort this out." He gestured for the two to go to their seats as normal and they both did. Gradually, the other boys filed into the classroom. Ernst placed his hands under the desk to hide his trembling fingers. He tried to catch Hanschen's eye for some form of assurance but the older boy avoided looking at him. Eventually Herr Sonnenstitch entered, his eyes narrowing immediately on the blonde boy as soon as he had done so.

"Herr Rilow, could I speak with you outside for a moment?" Hanschen nodded coolly and followed the professor into the corridor. There was a pause as all the boys in the class remained silent, unmoving. Ernst looked ahead of him, his brow furrowed and his breathing heavy. He felt his insides writhe about nervously and the incredible guilt which had been caused by him bringing that book into their lives. He had wanted to tell others about their relationship, for others to find out. He should have been careful what he had asked for. Ernst was trying to busy himself with his slate when Herr Sonnenstitch's voice echoed through the room from next-door.

"Herr Rilow," he bellowed, over pronouncing his vowels, "yesterday afternoon, I was presented with an incriminating document that was said to have been found in _your _satchel. The said document, Herr Rilow, depicted stories all with a continuous theme. That theme, Herr Rilow, was of a most obscene and disgusting nature." The boys around Ernst began to look at each other curiously. Ernst remained motionless. "That theme, Herr Rilow was of homosexuality! Such books suggest that you are aware of such monstrosities and how you came about knowing of the existence of the aforementioned sin intrigues me, Herr Rilow."

"Herr Sonnenstitch…" Hanschen began but the professor immediately interrupted him.

"If you were aware of such feelings then this could have only been discovered by having these feelings personally as such disgusting talk is not mentioned in polite conversation. Do I make myself clear?" The boys began to talk to each other and confer, making it difficult for Ernst to hear them.

"If you could listen…"

"I will, therefore, contact your family immediately and we will take considerable actions against such…"

"Sir!" Hanschen shouted, his tone forceful. "I have had no such feelings of any sort! The very consideration that I may have such thoughts is sickening enough on its own, sir; I do not need to experience them." The words sounded painful to Ernst's ears; Hanschen said them with such conviction and believability. Ernst prayed that there was no truth in them.

"So you expect me to believe that the books were hidden in your satchel without you knowing?"

"No, sir… I wrote those notes: one must understand their enemy." There was a pause as Herr Sonnenstitch didn't respond and Hanschen continued. "Such disgusting acts must be accepted and understood before they can be purged, Herr Sonnenstitch. How am I supposed to find such abuses of nature when I do not know how they can be found, tracked or spotted? I read about these people to attack them, sir, not to join them. I have no interest in joining in any of their despicable habits." Herr Sonnenstitch did not respond. Ernst craned his neck to try and listen but they said nothing. The boys around Ernst gossiped and repeated what they had heard excitedly. Ernst closed his eyes, feeling empty and alone. Perhaps Hanschen wasn't quite as "certain" as Ernst had thought.


	14. Victor

A/N: This is my final chapter! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and read my story! I had no idea that I would get such a wonderful response! Thank you!

Weeks had passed since the incident with Herr Sonnenstitch. Autumn was in mid swing and the leaves had begun turning brilliant shades of amber and copper. Even the vineyards, a usually determined green, were now a brilliant scarlet against the golden sun baked grass. Hanschen lay, alone, among the vines, peering up at the cloudy sky. He often spent time alone; Ernst never talked with him in public and avoided eye contact no matter how much Hanschen tried to achieve it. It was if they had never even become friends, let alone lovers. It was if nothing had ever happened in the first place. They were merely acquaintances who were in separate social circles. Everything was back to how it was, how it had been. Hanschen sighed and rolled on to his side, tracing the earth with his fingertips. He didn't notice Ernst behind him, staring at him with a bemused expression on his face and his hand fiddling with the cuff of his sleeve nervously.

"Hanschen," he finally said, causing the older boy to turn around, an eyebrow raised.

"Herr Robel," he nodded in greeting and then turned back around to what he was doing.

"Hanschen, you don't need to use such formalities with me. It's only me, Ernst." Hanschen rolled his eyes and propped himself up on his elbows, facing the boy.

"Where have your friends gone?" The word "friends" felt strange on his tongue.

"They're playing tag with the girls."

"Oh, so your friends are _boys_ now?"

"And yours seem to be the girls, Hanschen, from what I've been hearing," Ernst said, his eyebrows raised and a smile on his face. Hanschen smirked and sat up, placing his arms behind him to support himself. Gradually Ernst leant down and laced their arms together. "You and Martha," he said quietly, his eyes wandering over Hanschen, "I would have never guessed." Hanschen smirked at the repetition of his own phrasing. "Do you think you're going to marry her?" Hanschen shrugged hyperbolically and sighed.

"I don't think so. I suppose I'm still waiting for the right…." he looked at Ernst intensely, playing with which word he should say, "girl." Ernst hit him lightly on the shoulder, making Hanschen feel satisfied with his chosen phrase.

"What about something else?" Ernst replied, looking up at him with his large, honest eyes.

"What? Something else? As in not a girl? Really, Ernst, I don't know…" Before Hanschen could finish his theatrical commentary, Ernst pressed their lips gently together. Hanschen gave a wry smile. "Or _that _could work, I suppose." The both laughed and Ernst kissed him again. He arranged himself so that he was neatly sat in Hanschen's lap. Hanschen pressed his hand on the younger boy's knee and delved deeper into his mouth. Ernst felt familiar and comforting yet always enticing, like some sort of delicious treat. He pulled away, his hand resting on the back of Hanschen's neck.

"You and me," he murmured, their lips brushing as he spoke. Hanschen tilted his head to the side, waiting for him to complete his sentence. Ernst smiled and bent down to whisper a familiar phrase softly in Hanschen's ear. He was surprised Ernst still remembered it but, of course, they both remembered everything that was ever said, every brief touch or glancing look. The phrase echoed through Hanschen's mind as Ernst said it: "You and me, we aren't just best friends."

A/N: I was going to separate them but, in the end, I didn't have the heart to. Hopefully you won't mind the ending too much and perhaps enjoyed reading my story. Thanks again for all the wonderful feedback that you all gave me!

Kawaiisprinkles


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